At the end of the year, every year, I always have this desperate feeling of THANK GOD THE YEAR IS OVER, YUCK. I always feel a little gross after the holidays (thank you, Christmas cookies) and overwhelmed by all the people that I’ve seen (hello, four hundred holiday parties) and ready to hit the reset button. I love new beginnings. I love writing down my goals and intentions and resolutions and a fresh start. It should also be said that like 99% of us I never stick to those intention, but I’m a dreamer so I do enjoy setting them with all of my heart.
Lately I’ve been feeling like It’s equally important to take stock in the year that was, to give it a little respect and a little introspective sendoff before I start buying all the goal-setting journals I can get my hot little hands on.
It’s easy to want to wash the year away, looking forward to the unknown and the possibilities that lie ahead is so much fun! But take a moment and reflect on your year, the good and the bad. What was 2018 trying to teach you? What did 2018 give you? What was 2018 preparing you for? Think of the people around you and what they accomplished this year and feel their joy for them, feel their pain in the losses they experienced. I had three friends buy beautiful homes, two had babies, I was a Godmother! Friends got married on a vineyard! We’ve lost loved ones, pets, some friends have become strangers and strangers became friends. The sweet and the bitter. The dark and the light. We need it all to move forward and grow.
So thank you, 2018. For all of it.
I feel like I really stepped into my parenting this year. It’s not getting easier as the boys get older, but I’m learning to appreciate the season and the phase they are in. They are both sleeping better and I got more rest than I’ve gotten in 4 years, I gave myself permission to go to bed at 8:30 if I felt like it, and I did - a lot. My baby is on his way to becoming a toddler and soon enough my kitchen counter won’t be covered with bottles and pacifiers and bottles of infant Motrin. My toddler started preschool and is potty trained and I’m so very proud of him every day. He’s so funny, so moody, so ME. Thank you, 2018, for teaching me to enjoy the moment I’m in with them. Even if they are both having simultaneous temper tantrums and covered in boogers.
I started a business! I started a blog! I went from having the idea to sell toast art boxes in March (while drinking wine in the shower after a particularly long day, tyvm) to following through and actually doing it. I never finish anything. It’s a trademark of mine, really, to have a million ideas and never follow through. I’m so proud of my website and so thrilled about how much I enjoy writing. And while I’m taking us in another direction in 2019, I really am grateful that I followed through and followed my heart in 2018.
I read a million books! Okay not a million but definitely more books than I’ve read in the last ten years combined. A couple of my dearest girlfriends and I started a book club and every month we go Downtown to a nice dinner and chat about our book (for 2.5 seconds before we start chatting about other stuff but you know how it goes). I love reading! Who knew! I have three books on my nightstand right now and an audiobook all cued up for my next book club adventure and it’s really been a delight that I didn’t see coming.
I made a million mistakes. I struggled with my body and my eating habits a lot this year. I wasted a lot of money on a gym that I knew wasn’t a great fit, and eventually gave up. I’m trying to find my groove with health, with movement, with food - so I’m going to make that a focus of 2019 and learn from my missteps. I grieved old losses, and tried to make peace with them, some successfully and some not. I didn’t spend as much time in nature as I would like, but I did spend a lot more time trying to find silence in my mind and connect to that.
I saw somebody on Instagram say that 2018 was their chrysalis year, and I believe that to be true for me too. I spent my time growing, maturing, trying my best to evolve, learning and observing. Now is the time to spread my wings and put it into practice. Now is my time to create, unleash my magic, step into my truth. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for myself this year, for all of us. As you reflect on the year that passed and envision the year to come, I want you to know that your eyes on this page mean the world to me, and that you are seen.
See 2019 me above.